Starring: Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe
Directed by: Akiva Goldsman
Rated: PG 13
Running time: 1 hour 58 mins
Warner Brothers
Our Score: 1/2 out of 5 stars
“What the hell did I just see?”
That was my first comment to the studio representative after I screened “Winter’s Tale.” Allow me to save you two hours of your life: In 1895 a young man, with his wife and new baby, are attempting to enter the United States. Sadly, because of an illness, they are ordered back to Ireland. They beg to stay or at least leave their baby behind, thinking he would have a better life in the new world. Rebuffed, the father steals a model of a sailing ship and, when no one is looking they lower it, with the baby attached, into the harbor, apparently with the hope that the wooden toy model will carry the baby to Brooklyn. We jump ahead 21 years later to find Peter Lake (Farrell) the baby, now grown up, running from Pearly Soames (Crowe) and his gang. Cornered, Peter makes the acquaintance of a snow-white horse, one that bows and beckons Peter aboard. Once he’s on its back, he heads toward Pearly and his goons, eventually JUMPING OVER the 12 foot gate and flying away. No, seriously.
So begins what I can only imagine a film that read much better on paper. Director Goldsman, making his feature film directorial debut, is an Academy Award winning writer (“A Beautiful Mind”) that ought to know better. This film deals with immortality, chance, Satan and so many incredulous plot devices that wouldn’t pass for muster anywhere, much less New York City! When, in present day New York, Peter is asked to provide two forms of ID and can’t you have to wonder, as I did, how in the hell is he living in a nice apartment with no ID or obvious source of income? I mean this makes surviving a trip in a toy boat in New York Harbor almost believable! Almost.
Sadly the biggest waste here is a very fine performance by Colin Farrell. Equally good, in what amounts to an extended cameo, is Jennifer Connelly. Crowe appears to still be channeling Inspector Javert from “Les Miz,” only with a nasty scar added to his chubby cheeks. By the time of the “big reveal”, and if you’re still reading this you must be somehow intrigued, you’ve hopefully figured out the story. If not, like Peter Lake, you’re on your own!
